Whatever will be, will be.

So I was thinking about what I want in life today. Big deal, yeah? I thought about this quote:

"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." -John Lennon

Think about it. What do you want from your life? I don't think into the future much, but for the sake of writing this post, I thought of a few things. Some of it is a little naive or cliche, but it's true.

1. Kids. But not just any old kids. I want amazing kids. It may be very pretentious for me to say that, but when I was in Old Testament class my junior year in college, I learned an interpretation of the 4th Commandment that I had not ever heard. The Bible tells readers to honor your parents. It means to do things to bring honor to your parents. Make them proud to have you to carry on the genetic code. I want my kids to be that for me. Also, I don't want my kids to live off of technology. I don't doubt that much of how I am came from my parents forcing me to play outside instead of watch TV. It was worth it, and I want my children to play outside and love to be creative and imaginative and free. And you better believe I will adopt a child if I don't get any with my genes.

2. Unconditional love. Who doesn't want that? Everyone wants to love and be loved. Be to love. Love to be. I've been thinking about this one a little bit lately. I've dated a few pretty amazing people and they are still part of my life if they are meant to be. But searching for love is ridiculous. Get that crap outta here. Wait for it to fall into your wide open arms. I'd really love to get married some day (*shudder*), but that's all I know. He may never find me, and I'll have to be okay with that, too. (He better find me.) (Also, I will never be a nun.) I don't only want unconditional romantic love; I want unconditional love from my friendships. If you don't love me for me, go away. I seek to make people around me happy, and it's really difficult to do that when people don't appreciate.

3. Life to hit me as it comes. I've learned through many experiences in my life that everything can change in an instant. It's as simple as finding new music or an inspirational poet or as severe as a parent passing away at a young age. Things change, and people have to deal. I think change brings out the best in people. It forces them to leave their comfort zone and find new comforts or adapt. I want life to come at me, and I want it to make me think and wonder and search and discover. Granted, I would never want my kids to lose a parent like I did, it's certainly something that brings new beginnings. Life is cool stuff. I don't want to try to decide what happens next. I know I can't control it, so just let it hit me.

4. A part in the search for equality. If you know me, you know I love social justice advocacy and action. There's gotta be a reason I'm alive. I can't imagine going through life with no goals and nothing to search for. A lot of shitty stuff is happening in the world, our country, the Midwest, and my city. Whyyyy? Some people are really just idiots in my mind. Anyway. I want a part in the search for equality. I love human rights and human dignity. We've all got the things, but some aren't allowed to express them, and that sucks a lot. Even if it's just doing little tiny things, I want to be part of the solution to social injustices. If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

5. Simplicity. This goes a lot with 4. A close friend brought up a good point once. The US has way too much fucking stuff. Why do we need 80 different cereal choices? Why do we need a bigger TV every time there's a bigger one? Is 3D TV really that cool? Throw a frisbee with friends. That's 3D, too. Service trips always remind me how much I don't need my cell phone. Have I ever felt happier than when lying on the floor giggling and connecting with a group of people? Nope. Not really. I'm guilty of it sometimes. I want things, but I know I can be happy without them. A friend told me once that he wants to live in a little house. I kind of do, too, until my kiddos need more room to frolic.

6. Patience. I learned a bit of patience this summer. It's a really amazing virtue. Throughout my work with kids and ESL tutoring for Sudanese refugees, I found that there is no reason to rush. Slow down and be understanding of the people around you, no matter their background.

7. Spirituality. Not religion. Different things. Ask me about religion if you want, but it's gonna take me a while to tell you what I think. (Also, this is one of my favorite conversations, so please do ask if you haven't already.) I want to be spiritual--to have spirit, to be a spirited person. I want to try to understand meaning by thinking about why someone is how he/she is. Everything I am is based on the experiences I have had in my lifetime, and I think everyone else is a product of their experiences, too. I want my spirituality to be understanding.

8. To really listen. Be truly present with your presence. Show people you care by listening to their words and their lives. Most of the time people are saying a lot more than the words you hear. I love to talk, but I love to listen, too. Life is such an interesting and diverse thing. People in different cultures, decades of life, majors, anything, open my eyes. There is a lot to hear, but you have to be willing to listen. I want to be able to really know someone from their story and their being.

9. Mystery. I love the world of not knowing. As I said earlier, I don't think all too far into the future, taking each day as it comes and adapting. Another example of mystery. This one is from the infamous religion chat I'm dying to have with anyone who is open-minded enough to hear my side. I don't know the essence of the divine creator, and I never will, so why should I try? It's a hell of a lot cooler to not know. There are a ton of things I want to know--why people in many countries of Africa live in such terrible conditions, why eating certain foods makes you feel better, or why I am a terrible singer--but there are a lot of things I don't want to know, too. The greatest question in my head right now is why I wrote this instead of my assignment. Will I ever know? Probs not. Adapt!

These are some things I want in life so I can be exactly what I want to be when I grow up--happy. Thanks for reading. I'm impressed if you scrolled to the bottom of my blabber. Homework time!

Sincerely,

Steph