It's not. So I'll just finish off this bottle of wine and tell you that I'm trying anyway.
"As you come to know the seriousness of our situation--the war, the racism, the poverty in the world--you come to realize it is not going to be changed just by words or demonstrations. It's a question of risking your life. It's a question of living your life in drastically different ways." -Dorothy Day
"Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” -Mother Teresa
"Everyone knows that in those difficult moments in life, it is important--so important--that other people recognize our weaknesses and take care not to quench the flame of hope that barely flickers within us. It is important that people meet us, love us, embrace us, bind us up, and encourage us--in all of our confusion--to step into the next part of our journey." -Gary Smith, SJ, Radical Compassion
"I don't know what I'm letting in, but I know it'll change me." -Jocelyn Sideco (IFTJ 2011)
Finding balance in life has been very difficult for me lately. Not only am I trying to remain concentrated on school, but I am staying present on justice issues, trying to be social, looking to the future, and attempting to sleep. Each week it seems I come up with a new goal or a new career opportunity. Knowing I cannot sit around and wait for those things makes each day a new challenge and makes it difficult for me to focus.
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This weekend I attended the Ignatian Family Teach-In for Justice in Washinton, D.C. with 55 other outstanding people from the Creighton community. Keynote speakers opened our eyes and hearts to various topics from the richness of Africa to Nike worker's rights to teaching peace to using art for justice. I developed relationships with people from school and learned their stories, sat on a bus for about 43 hours, and learned a little more about myself.
The theme of the teach-in was "The Gritty Reality: Feel it. Think it. Engage it." I've done some service and been hit very hard by a few experiences in college, but I don't know that I've found the grit that gets me the most. East St. Louis, IL, is a challenging place to be. Low graduation rate, abandoned houses and buildings, packed soup kitchens, kids with broken homes, tarp homes with sleeping bag beds, and so much more injustice burdens this unbelievably dangerous city. It definitely was a gritty reality to face. But I didn't find myself in that city the way I could have.
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What is my drive? My friend asked me a few weeks ago why I care so much. What is it that pushes me to serve? I'm not so certain about the answer. The best I can give right now is to say that I do this because each human being deserves to have every ounce of dignity that is innate in them. Whoever got it in his/her head that some people are more deserving of others? Human greed and the quest for power are destroying humanity. (For example: there's no reason besides greed that Nike needs to spend millions of dollars on advertizing while they refuse to pay workers a living wage and provide healthy conditions.)
I don't like when people ask me if I'm serving to "give back." Someone shouldn't have to give something to me in order for me to feel drawn to service and justice. I guess my experiences have just led to my love for it.
The feelings of humility, vulnerability, and compassion I feel when I serve and while reflecting on it are enough for me. I give a little of myself to someone I barely or don't know, and in return, I feel full of the simplicity of being with others, no matter their situation. For me, service is as simple as sitting in a room with a child and playing or listening to a story from someone who has no one else to listen. It's an act of friendship and love.
I've tried to figure out how much of a religious component there is in my service. I, as you may know, don't affiliate with any specific religion. I was born and raised Catholic, but it's difficult to identify myself with it anymore. My passion to serve comes from my experience and my understanding of what it means to be moral and ethical in the world. Christian values rooted in me certainly play a part, but I do not believe that religion is why I care so deeply.
Each person needs to be loved. I don't need a religion to tell me that.
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People who follow where my life is going someday: I may be going into primary education. No promises, though. I have it narrowed down (any by that, I mean I've added a couple new options). I'm even seeing law school as an option someday now. I'll try to keep you updated, as long as you continue to deal with my crazy brain.
Thanks for the read.
Sincerely,
Steph
