Throw your soul thru every open door.

Count your blessings to find what you look for.

Yes, Adele wins the title this time. It's probably because her music is ideal for schoolwork and that's a good amount of what has been keeping me busy lately.

So instead of writing one of the many papers I have due before Tuesday, I've decided to write a blog post. The things I do make no sense. (But I can guarantee this will still feel good to release.)

First! An update: My March 27th post must have spread around town because I am, yes it's true, dating an absolutely amazing guy from school who decided to step out of his comfort zone and start a relationship with me. And let me tell you: he's made me one incredibly happy lady lately despite how busy I am. He's a graduating senior but he's definitely worth holding on to. I can totally and completely be myself around him and feel accepted and even embraced for what a huge dork I am.

: :

"If you do not allow yourself to be known, you will never experience being loved" (John F. Kavanaugh, Following Christ in a Consumer Society).

Being known doesn't mean revealing your deepest secrets to everyone around you. It's sitting outside crying about a tough experience and having the perfect people walk past, sit down, share, and cry with you. It's being able to look into someone's eyes and know you're loved no matter how weak you look. It's best friend hugs and sharing trust with a close friend. Someone said once that actions are stronger than words. My friends don't have to know my secrets or every detail about my life, but they know my passions, my strengths and weaknesses, what makes me laugh, and how to be there when I'm in need. It feels good to be loved.

: :

I'm to a point in the semester (less than 2 weeks until summer) when one of my only motivations is being able to play Fruit Ninja on my boyfriend's iTouch when I've accomplished something. Why does my physical exhaustion overcome my motivation when I'm most in need? When does a person get to a point where s/he's become so overwhelmed with school and life that motivation to get out of bed in the morning and stay up late writing a paper is gone?

Many of us overestimate our ability to function. We think we can be 4.0 students, everyone's best friend, perfectly in shape, find a job, and still have time to know ourselves. It's not that easy. We can't do everything. But hell, some people really deserve credit for trying. Those people need a shoulder more than anyone.

Oh, life. How is it that you never slow down?

: :

Things left to do before summer:
6 classes
aerobics paper
history paper
CCSJ picnic
2 rugby games
GSA bbq
exercise physiology final
aerobics final
history final
theology paper
athletic training final
philosophy final
find internship
successfully transfer job
move out
move in

: :

Wish me luck?

Sincerely,
Steph

Life is Life.

Sorry I haven't posted in such a long time. I'm still not going to make a legitimate post because I have too many things to do, but I'll check in for good measure.

Everything is going really well right now. I'm a little behind in school and work things but there is a push to get caught up with everything. I'll be back around with a post about my current life and my near-future life as soon as I finally get this paper written.

Don't worry, people. I may not be posting much, but I'm still checkin' out what you have to say.

22 classes.
4 papers.
6 tests.
Easter Break!
7 more days of school.
one week of finals.
senior.

Good luck in all you're currently doing.

Sincerely,
Steph

Let's keep talking.

...anything to stop clock-watching.

I don't know what drives me to do things sometimes. Since when does leaving the dorm at 3am and going to someone's home I barely know until 6:30am makes sense? Seriously. I guess I was having a discussion kind of about this kind of stuff yesterday with the person I went to see. I just don't consider the future very strongly in my decision-making. I'm pretty much all about trying to decide what I want right here and right now. I suppose that is a carpe diem, quam minime credula postero ("seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the future;" huge street cred to Horace for that one) kind of attitude. I guess, haha. Ohhhhh, my brain sometimes.

But let me tell you. It was so much fun. I can't confirm whether it was the hour of the day, my...very easily affected..sense of humor, or the fact that he's hilarious that made me laugh at everything. Either way, here am I, once again, just doin' my thing at strange hours of the morning.

I'm getting to know him. It's really genuinely something I enjoy doing. I do like friends a lot. His insane friend who had be up since God knows when (like 33 hours earlier) even got to contribute a lot...with something ridiculous, of course. But there were a couple hours I don't even remember wondering why I was awake. That's a good sign, at least from my perspective. Conversation was definitely very engaging. Don't ask what we talked about...I can't remember much of it, but I do know I had a great time. I suppose split-second decisions are my thing sometimes.

Stop clock-watching and just enjoy your life.

Sincerely,
Steph